I heard yesterday Layla and this time round I paid attention to the lyrics. Did that also in the past and found them romantic, this time though found them as a good description of limerence aka romantic obsession. And I did wonder when romantic obsession become a staple. For sure we have songs, movies and books about it. Not as much as there are songs, movies and books about healthy love. Are we infatuated with pain or trauma is that much more prevalent (probably the second) than I think.
I for sure met limerence in the past. Experienced it, lived it, though was rather normal and got me pretty depleted. On a deeper level knew was not something I desired or enjoyed what so ever, bit it did happen. In my quest of what and why, and what I can do about it next time around come into a journaling exercise. That has 4 parts, a description of when happened in example, what was the fantasy about it (perfect family that will never abandon and accept me- my trauma wounds clear related abandonment and being validated), what is a short family story that reflects the wounds that the fantasy brings around and solution. More specific connecting to the inner child aka our subconscious mind and long term memory and try to give the safety, presence and validation in my case. That will differ as also the specific wound and story from person to person/ as also how to make the inner child in my case feeling secure and appreciated. And I am exercising on - sometimes more successful that others-constant connection and stopping of the negative talk that sometimes makes its way our of default random nervous system activity (or mind wondering when not focused on a specific activity). Because limerence, is 90% about my unresolved need and 10% about the other person. Its a process ongoing, but achievable as building the nervous muscle not to go into ruminating. We cannot change the stories that happened but we can change their impact and meaning. Because the only one that can save us is luckily ourselves- what you seek is seeking you.
