Had several during my lifetime, but those that were at the root of them became more obvious today. Deep down I believe I am not worthy and I shall be grateful for what comes without any obstacle. Even more that I should prolonger that specific choice regardless of what I feel about it, and will fight with my entire being. To discover in the end that it is not what I want anyway. Not always but is a pattern. Also if I try once what I want and fails more likely I will not try again. Will tell myself that was not for me anyway and I will just stop. Is funny how much more effort I put in things I don't feel as much. Failure for the things I want does not mean they are not for me. But means I can find different paths to make them true exactly as I did for things that come east but were hard to keep.
I am afraid that I will lose my long fought stability for this . I am afraid to fully fail at something precious for me. I am afraid, but if I don't try I will never know what could be. If I could teach myself to like things I was not sure about I have the necessary power. I hope.