Choice

Everything is a matter of choice, including not posting for a while now ha ha, maybe that was less intentional. But choice is what stuck with me lately, because sometimes the worst choice will be not to choose at all. To watch life passing by and react here and there while not fully committing to anything for sure, paralyzed between others possible choices that might or might not be attainable. One choice I felt I should have lately was to choose what makes me happy, how to act and react to keep myself happy or at least content and the important difference between not knowing, fear, enthusiasm and safety. That for me was the absence of fear/ enthusiasm at times and incertitude/ coupled with fear of failure even really that was not safety at all. And getting dependent of situation that will entertain that fake feeling of failure and not choosing anything more. That kept me away at times from real connections and real engagement while preserving a safety that was not even safe after all. And most of anxious attachment style works in this way. Right now I ma trying to choose real connection over feeling temporary out of balance. I can put up with some level of discomfort after all.