I have written about codependency in the past, as in a way my attempts to avoid conflict/ mediate conflict lead to a cycle in which I end up in situations that were not beneficial anymore though I continued them hoping they were going to change or that I could change and not be reactive to them anymore. A mixture of suppressing and denial, after all. What I discovered more recently was that cycle had some underlying steps- feeling upset and angry about a a situation or behavior, requesting some mediation of the cause, feeling ashamed, afraid and in the end second guessing myself, while trying to fix myself so that I would not feel the upset I did initially. Pretty much suppression and putting up with the situation, until wearing myself thin. I learned this underlying cycle somewhere in my early childhood and I could relate it back to specific behaviors of my caregivers. These cycles were kind of automatic so the transition from something needs to change to I need to change to adapt to the situation or behavior was almost unnoticeable and hard to break. By figuring the underlying transition I can stop actually the process before affecting my self trust and self image. Because self trust and independence of thought is required to focus back on what I want or hope and what is beneficial for me in a situation, not on the situations itself. And that is powerful.
Attached my favorite flower/
