One of the things I have been struggling and found hard to see was compliance. In situations where I do not meet other people expectations and the feeling of disappointment from their side makes me compliant. I feel guilt and try to fit the image the others have of me even I do not share the same image or expectation myself on the level of partial abandonment of my own authenticity. I have been doing it when triggered from my childhood when the image and the role casted for me to play in my family become more my own definition of myself than my own definition of myself. And that gives my power freely to others. I am on my way of learning and for sure I am further on the path of I am not that what you define, imagine or expect I am myself a complex system in interaction with the environment. And I have the power to choose whom I want to be and whom I can be in a situation or another and sometimes I am ok in disappointing. And that is authenticity. Control and perfection issues that I showed on the way stem partially from putting some selected others on the pedestal of authority without further understanding that what they expressed was only an opinion coming from their own projection of the world and the family system. I am mine and have all the love and compassion for the times when I forget it.
