The message with detachment appeared at some point in my view, and though I liked the idea I did not quite grasp what was exactly about. Some weeks later detachment appeared again as a letting go of expectations, when I did and do an action, maybe more self coerced than voluntarily to get to a specific result. That in case did and does not bring me the specific result wanted I felt and feel betrayed, even not necessarily specified or negotiated in advance. A sort of I will be the good kid but please accept me, and that even a long ago coined message is and was both not healthy for me or the connection where I place those expectations towards to. Somehow we learn from young age that in order to be accepted you need to let parts of you deemed not acceptable and in the same time we want to be loved for our authentic self. That we learned to let behind for acceptance and in my case being the good kid, a catch 22 and a full circle of effort, betrayal, lack of trust and start again. So detachment looks more like doing things that feel right for me without accepting any reward for it, doing them for me and for my authentic self, whatever that means as our personalities are not some fixed, but rather more fluid and let go of results. That for sure do not depend of me. I am actually fine accepted or not, the good kid or not and that brings both freedom and compassion.
