A new year is just around the corner and in a way a new cycle- winter is still on with the invitation to go in and become more attuned to us- and is slowly moving to the way of spring, day by day, when the seeds dormant during winter will start to grow. I like this reminder of cycles, of things moving, flowing from one stage to another and a start of a new year is also a reflection of a new cycle.
I will not do here the retrospective of 2022, even for sure was an year to change my life in ways I did not imagined. But I will talk something about my own self journey and my hopes for the new year. So on that note I did a lot of reading and research on inner child therapy, complex ptsd and in general trauma. Because as Gabor Mate said in one of his books, trauma is not what happened to us but our interpretation of it. And a lot if it is wired in our nervous system before the cortical area get online and they can get activated and run the show. That explains my abandonment and feeling I need to prove my worth to belong, and to be chosen. I do belong, I am chosen and been from before I was born, I know it even sometimes I do not feel it and from there some of the issues are coming from. Learned about emotional self regulation by meditation and pendulum healing, for other people other methods will work, and I learn day by day to trust my intuition and my feelings more and more. That is more like a winding type of trip and not a straightforward one but I do learn it one step at a time. I also learned that inner child- aka emotional brain - does not have any concept of time, that means you can rewrite the meaning of the traumas and stories later on. And our unconscious mind can also heal in ways hard to explain. I learned on the way how strong I really am and more about trusting myself. That is both from good and bad decisions I can learn and that I do not have to keep repeating what I have done before. I am learning about authenticity and being more comfortable with being rejected, not liked or not needed or with maybe sometimes pissing people off. For a people pleaser that is the great challenge of starting setting up boundaries.
Would like this page to be a forum for other peoples journeys and experiences. We can all learn from each other. And this is one whish for 2023. Another one is not wanting peace anymore-peace like in control of the outside world and dissociation and suppression of my feelings, but freedom and growth by learning. Because most of the time I trust myself to handle what comes. And I know I will even when the trust is temporarily missing.
All my best whishes for 2023. And love- maybe not like in power dynamic, control, validation, security but like in connection and seeing people. And having them around based on whom they are but not our interpretation of it. And in that way having the courage to let our heart free.
My card for the new year- only appropriate
The witness that has been by your side all along is now ready to become your ally. You thought you were the doer, but today you discover that things happen when you get out of the way. Witness creation unfolding before you. Change reality by finding stillness and letting your true intent reveal itself.