I find challenging to let go of situations and people that run their course in my life and I can acknowledge that. Behind the maybe I need to try more or maybe is not that bad is my old belief that tough situations and pain make me better and flexible, while joy is just superficial and not enough. So more effort I make in those situations or relationships that are unfulfilling more I grow, something that is both dangerous and addictive. Because keeps me stuck in choices that are not good enough and obliterates my boundaries.
I know where that belief come from and it was half helpful in making some bad and repetitive times from my childhood being not that bad. It also kept me from realizing later on they were that bad and to start to heal. Eventually I saw them for what they were, but the addiction to pain, chaos appeared in not letting go. Because the effort and pain of not letting go will pay off in being a better person. And holding on is loyalty. And that is not true.
Indeed I learned and grew from pain when integrated, but I also grew from love and peace, even more from that. That helped me expand my empathy, horizon and creativity. Pain is not bad and has its purpose, but using it as a justification of making different choices it is. Love is freedom and freedom is love. And is perfectly fine to choose joy in my life, and the choices that sustain it. Including my boundaries and what makes me excited.