Compassion

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

So true for me. When I made peace with my pain and grief I realized how much I learned from it and how grateful I am for the compassion and empathy that it taught me. Pain taught me about love and self love more than I could imagine.

And now I learn about surrender. I have and had a strong, natural opposition to surrender that relaxed with the passing years. I see safety as control and as well defined plans. But since my childhood was a part of me that opposed the control and was free, intuitive and creative. That part grew and grew and I am happy it did. So yeap surrender.

Be crumbled.

So wild flowers will come up where you are.

You have been stony for too many years.

Try something different.

Surrender.

For many years I defined my happiness as a shared part of a family, where I was the mediator. Being the mediator gave the happiness of helping and of not focusing on my own needs or issues. And in a form or another I kept that true til my PhD and mostly till I moved to USA. There for the first time I was alone and felt lonely. And all the questions that I avoided seeing requested their time. And with the answers come lessons and more answers and change. But the need of a shared traditional family stayed under the background. And while happy for my new found independence and time to see and grow me I still kept the need for a setup that I know now will not work for me. And for there part of the grief and solitude and surrender. Because that is not what I need and a non traditional in my own definition relationship will be there. Alongside my healing, intuition and connection.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. Rumi ...

and that is exactly what I am learning.