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Detachment

For an anxious when triggered habitual reaction that I have, reading about detachment and the saviour-persecutor-victim cycle has been a life lifting event. Because when in a situation that is out of my control, including job hunting or some difficult to work with behaviour in a relationship I tend to go into anxiety-control mode. That does not solve anything, but induces some additional stress. And the way to counterwork with it is detachment. If I cannot do anything about a situation then I let go and let it happen, and for that anxiety needs to be reduced. I use meditation and a simple technique where I just empty all my thoughts for 10-20 min and just focus on what I feel at all levels. That reduces the stress hormone level and every time my mind tries to go into obsession anxiety mode I use the same approach. Is simple and requires only some discipline. And in time that leads to detachment and focus on what I can do in my present time and in my current situation. Breathing exercises or just shifting the focus on something else also helps. We cannot control the outcome of our situations but we can decide how we choose to react to them. And fear and anxiety do not solve anything, when projected on a situation out of us.

The second is the saviour-persecutor-victim cycle. I say yes to a situation I mean to and I try to help a person or situation because I feel the person is incapable of fixing the situation for themselves. Then I feel angry and after a victim for not being appreciated, even I am not really the victim. The solution help when you feel like and say no when you do not, feeling obliged by the context in a way or another is not help but saving. And that is made to make us feel better about ourselves, at least I am needed and valuable for that, even I am already valuable and lovable but just being me. Even sometimes I forget it or behave like I don't. Is a process I am into and learning.



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The two subjects are not related, but as somehow they moved into my own healing journey around the same time I put them together. Comfort versus safety and freedom are both individual and cultural bas