I was born and raised in a more pronounced patriarchal society and family. Though my post is not intended to be only about that. Romania is in first position top in Europe regarding violence against women and abortions. Many factors are involved going from education to the lack of legislation and support for the victims, but the latter has gotten better in the past couple of years. My family did adhere to those standards, drinking - my father, verbal, emotional and physical abuse both of my parents between them and toward me, sexual abuse- my father to me and so on. My parents relationship was more of a war for dominance than partnership. That lead to same relationship patterns in my early dating years based on deep shame, guilt, lack of worth that the internalized sexual, emotional, verbal and physical abuse brought. I had an inner connection between aggression, fear, dominance, lie and love, and took many years to start to debunk it. I was not an isolated case and abuse in many forms were considered cultural staples. Parts of what happened to me, happened to my peers and the cultural archetypes continued.
Healing is a long journey toward finding and trusting myself and is still going on. As a part of my journey I learned to favor relationships based on equality and trust. Because the opposite of love for me is control and dominance and not hate. I started to learn about boundaries and respect.
I have been through several nightmarish experiences as a child and young adult that taught me about my inner strength. I felt at points sad and angry about what happened. I still do sometimes, even now is combined with the realization that the combination of all made me whom I am today. The road to healing is not easy and is not fast. Is the journey through deep sadness and hopelessness. And is doable.
if any of those story hits home educate yourself and become self aware. Because our choices are limited by not knowing it can be different. And we can choose to heal and become authentic, responsible, happy, free.