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From fear to clarity

This post might be a repetition of some previous mentioned ideas in my posts. When you stay with the uncomfortable feelings, regardless how long it takes, in the end joy and clarity show up. It's more like an emotional detoxification so that one can connect to own wisdom and intuition. T

The uncomfortable emotions are and were in my case in the beginning much stronger and took much longer to linger and pass. Most likely because I was resisting them. And if they could not pass then they just stayed somewhere both in my body and mind and lead to thought patterns to keep them in a way untouched. The first emotional releases were taking up a lot of energy and in a way felt they took over my life. It was hard to learn to stay with them and looking back I feel all compassion for those moments. And after the difficult passage they left and let peace behind, and then after sometime other showed up. A large part of my own healing journey was about those blocked and buried emotions, a large part of the shadow journey. In time the detoxification become easier to stay in and come with self compassion. For the times and events that lead to them being blocked there. Running of the trauma and my own shadow was running of myself and the child I was and the events that happened. Good and bad. And the child I was had and has still a lot to teach me. And I jumped for that into my childhood patterns, family and events, into another perspective of what happened and how. Into my triggers and my inner narrative, in my coping strategies and where did they originated from, in what I liked and dreamed of then. In belonging, acceptance and love and what those meant for my family. In trauma and unspoken and unaccepted emotions. In my dissociation and loneliness, curiosity and books. I was lucky to be helped in this journey and I am grateful for that help. In a word I got to know myself how I was and tried not to be anymore.

My healing journey started with me wanting to go home, to a part of my life where I felt connected and I felt I knew more. And I know now that the home was and is a part of me, connection and compassion are a part of me. And I feel I arrived after a long journey. Not sure whee my journey will go next but I trust myself to know in a moment of clarity and peace.

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