The parenting in my family for generations was done with guilt and shame. And was so much intertwined with what was said to be love, or care or just safety that at some deeper level for me love and guilt are combined. And there are not. Healthy guilt is a natural emotion, and helps us learn and grow as the engine to change unwanted behaviors or actions. Unhealthy guilt and shame in my case come with unrealistic standards, the desire to look put up together more than I am and control. With the deep feeling that i am unworthy and I should become this ideal image to be worthy. Is and was deeply limiting and on the basis of my childhood inner core beliefs about world. Letting go of it is a process, and I am happy to see shame for what it is, just a limiting belief. And the opposite of love and freedom.