One of my favorite reads is No exit by JP Sartre from where the quote Hell is other people originates. Is the story of interaction/ looking for validation in others as both the source of growth and evolution and of sufferance. Especially when we fixate on people that cannot and would not validate us, and when running from our own truth, that white and black morals and values are difficult to achieve in more grey like situations that we encounter in our lives. When we label and put our own value in one label or another- truth, courage, dignity and all and try to achieve them at all times regarding of the situation at hand. And we hide of the truth of the failure from that black and white definition by justifying the times when we were not in order to keep us safe, or to avoid harm emotional or physical that leads to shame. As we become convinced of being not good overall and not in that particular situation. And then again why so much attachment to the labels? One is brave even if not brave in all situations of life. Are the black and white morals keeping us prisoners or giving us some ideal? Where is the quilibrium between ideal and shame? What does it matter so much if some people cannot and would not validate us? Why is that impression that important after all? As is based on individual perception and biases? We do change, the us from the past is not the us from the future. Why attach to one label of a feature that will also grow and change?
Maybe more questions that answers here. But maybe one way to reduce this self inflicted pain is to accept that nothing is black or white, everything changes including us, and some things stay and some things go, some people stay and go, and validation is not value, value is not acceptance and so on. They can overlap, but are not the same. And our own definitions of success, achievement, life so on change. And hell is other people is half self induced.