And there might be more to come. Or not. Guess will see. And more realizations to come too.
I am triggered by anger and what I perceive as being ignored. I feel anger in others even if not shown, as also I perceive mood changes. Anger makes me feel afraid, and submissive in the beginning and after transforms in resentment, anger and guilt. Being ignored or forced into situations jumps me directly to the resentment in the above mentioned cycle, as also submission will do.
These cycles are in me and I do that to myself. As in my childhood was done to me. The reaction of my inner child has the same two triggers that I have to the world. Adding it the need to receive permission to behave like me and is the complete picture. No wonder that what started the journey were resentment and anger followed by deep sadness and shame. Those feelings are pretty linked together.
I can do something about it now that I can see it. I can stay with the inner child and the fear before jumping to resentment. I can listen, validate and give her permission. And I have choices so no need for helplessness and having to put up with every situation. I can also see people now more outside of the triggers. As they are- people. And my voice and the power for the reason I gave up on them, being accepted.