I think from quite a few of my posts here one thing to be noticed is love addiction, or forever searching of some ideal love that will make one a better person and solve all their problems. is pretty much the adult child looking for the unconditional love of the caregivers that for a reason or another did not receive it and stems back to around 2-4 years of age. And yes it did run my life even for many years I could not see it, and made me feel at a deeper level unfulfilled with what I actually was or had. Combined with the low self esteem that in a circle created and maintained the love addiction and with being a people pleaser created a self maintaining cycle.
None of the deep beliefs that come with love addiction are actually true. I do not need someone else to be happy, complete or safe. I have me for that. I do not need to please people sometimes on my own expense to feel like a deserve to be validated. I can validate and comfort myself. I do not need to think that other people owe me that I helped them sometimes overstretching my boundaries. They don't. I have the choice and I have boundaries that are important for my own happiness and equilibrium. I totally can appreciate others, but I do not need them, the only person I need and will be there for me is actually I. I owe to myself to express my truth and help myself grow. As a consequence I feel satisfied and grounded.
How did i do it? becoming more self aware meditation and healing helped and reading and learning about child development, attachment styles, love styles and so on. Co-addiction that is love addiction has been running for generation in my family. A good place to start is the patterns of the family and your family tree. The reality in which you born grew up into. And that is different. As not families are the same and not all people are the same.
In my circle back home self love and self compassion were considered as signs of egotism and not taking responsibility. If one cannot appreciate and be kind to themselves they cannot be with others. If one cannot love oneself they cannot accept to be loved. And we have different mechanisms to run from us and from a deep connection to those close to us.