Mourning is not only about death, but also about ending of relationships or image of relationships. Is grief of the loss, acceptance and a new start, absolutely necessary to our growth and moving on. Relationships sometimes do not end when they finish in real world, but only after grief, acceptation, learning and growth happens. One important relationship for me feels now in mourning. Not because it ended, as it will probably continue in a different form, but because I see now that I lied to myself. I thought that more I heal, better that relationship will be, and that is not true. More I heal better I see the reality of the relationship and the reality check ignited the mourning. For what I hoped and desired and I fantasied about, but is not real. Is it bad? No, it is not because it feels like a test. In previous similar situations I felt guilty, unlovable, ashamed and angry. Now I actually feel fine, I deserve to be loved and I am in peace. I dreamed on Saturday a canary flying around me and a snake (my guide) told me that I was as free as that canary and I did not know it. Now I do know it I am free. I am mine. And this is my new beginning.