I am grateful for 2021. Was an uncomfortable and empowering ride. Started with a total fit in persona- mask, happy, optimist, never complaining, taking responsibility for things that were not mine, while feeling alone and inauthentic. Started completed cluttered by my desire to be liked more than being me, while looking for connection. During 2021 my desire to connect come more and more real and it showed up as connection to my own being, moving from fitting in to belonging first to myself and after to the rest of the world. 2021 was a year that brought the death of a person I loved dearly, and being fit in a box I did not like, but I did not know how to remove it. Connection brought up old and new emotions, and I learned slowly from trying to run from them to slowly let them in to fully let them in and honouring them when they show up. Being present in own emotions got easier with the exercise and being ok to be not ok, uncomfortable, maybe scared or in pain. Connection brought up some early on subconscious beliefs ranging from I need to make myself small to be safe that spilled into I am not good enough to love is pain and lying. 2021 was the year I got to connect more and more with my guides and serve as a channel for the healing of others. The range of emotions toward my guides also changed from a mixture of fear and love, to trust and feeling at peace now in their presence. I can feel their love and the connection, the support and clarity they bring in. in 2021 I learned to surrender to them and to my life and to make small steps to say my truth and to put boundaries. I learned to connect more and more with my inner child and to send energy, love and compassion to moments in time. 2021 was the year I got comfortable with solitude and what a healing benefit it was. My posts in 2021 are expressions of my journey and different moments and different steps sometimes forward, sometimes back. I am glad I am here and that I can tell these stories. Because in life the only persons we can change are ourselves. Trying to change others or outside situations is control and fear and lack of self love. Because we cannot change other people even if we think we are right. They have the right to be whom they are and fulfil their own story and learning in this life. And by focussing on them we do not focus and connect with whom we are and that is lack of self love and connection. And as a full pledged codependent in early 2021 I feel less and less the entanglement with the others and learned to honour myself. Even if that means leaving a job that does not suit me or acknowledging the reality and its sometimes hard cold truths that I do not like, but are true and can have a positive impact if acknowledged. I am grateful to myself and to my guides for this ride and looking forward to 2022. My trip to love expressed as joy, truth, peace and freedom has started.
Wish you all a great 2022. May you find yourself closer to your potential, spirit and love.