Rebirth
A caterpillar is reborn as a butterfly. An old dysfunctional pattern of unworthiness dissolves and from its ashes, a healthy practice of self-love is born. Change is natural and always in your favor; there is nothing to fear. You are in the midst of being rebirthed! This card’s message is to deepen your rebirthing process with faith and courage. Pain and pressure might be present, but they are much needed in order to turn your inner coals into diamonds.
Is Ok to not be ok comes also with being comfortable with the uncomfortable. That is hard and I find myself in the midst of it. Comes with anger, fear, shame, disappointment pain that are and were a part of me, that I had projected and still am, in a very distorted mirror image of myself. Comes with making people uncomfortable about your decisions and way to see the world. And that is fine, even triggering. And the only way further is to stay with the coming emotions and let them flow.
In the process come out my self loathing and feeling shame and guilty for my mother being unhappy. Because it had to be me and not her just being unhappy. And that is not true. Shame stayed and stopped me from telling my truth and changing situations that were not needed anymore in my life. Because it was and maybe still is easier to hurt me than others. Again none of this is actually true.
if something worked in the past does not mean is still going to work in the present, if something did not work in the past might still work today. Is fine to grow, change, and learn and that is uncomfortable. If you feel as I feel pain and fear and anger then I am and you are healing. Let it happen. Because we are all love and connected to love and we are guided to out best interest if we let it happen.
The problem with not being OK (even if it's OK) could be that 'not being OK' results from having been stigmatized in early age or having been a family scapegoat or having been selected to bear other peoples' shame, a shame that could be inherited and in dire need of being expurgated.