One of the repeating messages and part of my healing journey is to surrender. And that lead me to wonder what was surrendering? letting go, not doing anything, loosing, outgrowing the need for control that kept me for better or worse safe in my childhood? What is to surrender? Not doing anything or not choosing?
After some deeper cleaning of my pelvic and stomach area- aka pain, anger, and fear- I feel surrender is to trust. Trust me my own power, the ability to keep myself safe and my moment to moment reactions and emotions. Trusting my higher self that I am on the right path and that is talking to me via emotions, symbols, dreams or just repetitive messages and meetings. Trusting the divinity and love. Is actually trust, something that in all that fear-pain anger cycle I did not have. And haven't realized it before. Thought I had trust....Trust in myself and every moment. And the trust has its ups and downs and that is somehow also trust. Trust is freedom, not power.
and because I keep on meeting spiders in unexpected moments or places