Had some days off that I felt I needed. A mixture of grief and fear showed up and some time with myself to clean and connect felt well deserved. Security and trust also appeared, well accompanying the fear caused by feeling unsafe and fear of being alone that occasionally make an appearance. Healing is not a linear path, has advances and returns, with deeper parts of the original event causing it resurfacing or just a fear that needs to be faced from a different angle. Feeling unsafe and fear of being alone are the main fears of my family, so no surprise the depth of their presence in my life. Though last week I realized I could stay with the very uncomfortable emotions that rose when my two fears were triggered and I could let them pass. And that I do not need to make decisions based on them, something that looking back I did in both my private and work relationships. And that I can take them based on love and connection if I wait for all the uncomfortable and painful wave to pass and some clarity to shows up. Also the cyclic fear showing up does not indicate lack of healing but increase in awareness. Patience through the long sited traumas and coping mechanisms is important. One day at a time.
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