The need for external validation was for many years an underground string desire. Underground because I told to myself that I did not have it. The need for validation focused more on individuals with strong emotional responses in anger (direct or passive), highly logical and with a disregard for their own or others complex emotional worlds and extreme conservatory. People that I respected and put on a pedestal of always right, while needing their approval to know if my choices were right or not. I disregarded my own intuition and natural choices for that, and felt not worthy, afraid and not free.More I learned about myself and trusted me and my own logic, emotions and intuition, more the pedestal fell and I grew. The change started in research, in my job, where a mixture of curiosity, desire to learn, experiment, fail and learn some more and a play like attitude made me successful. And more success come less validation was needed. From there I slowly started to move the skills to improve self trust to my private life, where the process moved slowly and uncovering different layers that built the need of validation. I am on the right track, regardless if direct or with detours and well equipped for the road. Life is ever changing and so am I and I am truly grateful for it. And for the people in my life a mixture of logic and feeling, and kindness, support, common interests, humor, respect, flexibility and growing. Because these are the qualities I am invested in life.
My steps were/ are:
Acknowledge what I did well at the end of the day. Getting to know my universe and not what I think i should be.
Acknowledge what i did wrong and understand I did the best I could on that moment. Improve if possible. Accept it might not be. Getting to know my universe and not what I think i should be.
Speak my mind. Speak my emotions.
See my emotions and let them run their course.
Feeling grateful for the small and big things.
Getting to know myself in a moment to moment approach.
Letting go of my shame, guilt.
Listening when something feels right.
Take the day on a moment to moment approach.
Feel and enjoy what I am doing. Moment by
The list is different for different person. Find you own.