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The need for external validation was for many years an underground string desire. Underground because I told to myself that I did not have it. The need for validation focused more on individuals with strong emotional responses in anger (direct or passive), highly logical and with a disregard for their own or others complex emotional worlds and extreme conservatory. People that I respected and put on a pedestal of always right, while needing their approval to know if my choices were right or not. I disregarded my own intuition and natural choices for that, and felt not worthy, afraid and not free.More I learned about myself and trusted me and my own logic, emotions and intuition, more the pedestal fell and I grew. The change started in research, in my job, where a mixture of curiosity, desire to learn, experiment, fail and learn some more and a play like attitude made me successful. And more success come less validation was needed. From there I slowly started to move the skills to improve self trust to my private life, where the process moved slowly and uncovering different layers that built the need of validation. I am on the right track, regardless if direct or with detours and well equipped for the road. Life is ever changing and so am I and I am truly grateful for it. And for the people in my life a mixture of logic and feeling, and kindness, support, common interests, humor, respect, flexibility and growing. Because these are the qualities I am invested in life.

My steps were/ are:

  1. Acknowledge what I did well at the end of the day. Getting to know my universe and not what I think i should be.

  2. Acknowledge what i did wrong and understand I did the best I could on that moment. Improve if possible. Accept it might not be. Getting to know my universe and not what I think i should be.

  3. Speak my mind. Speak my emotions.

  4. See my emotions and let them run their course.

  5. Feeling grateful for the small and big things.

  6. Getting to know myself in a moment to moment approach.

  7. Letting go of my shame, guilt.

  8. Listening when something feels right.

  9. Take the day on a moment to moment approach.

  10. Feel and enjoy what I am doing. Moment by


The list is different for different person. Find you own.

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