I haven't elaborated until now work triggers. I have enumerated a number of triggers and triggering situations and learning to manage fear and shame, my most prevalent and disruptive ones, but not the work related ones. For children raised in families in which self expression, feeling, emotional regulation and or gaslighting were present, career becomes not only a focus but also a place to project the unresolved family issues. That can be triggered by situations that are not necessary healthy like invalidation, putting down, preference of other colleagues for promotion and so on, but are not as critical and time and energy consuming as I and the adult children that developed these strategies make them be. I am now more aware I am triggered around not being validated, concerns being dismissed, emotions minimized is on you and a relative pressure to participate / conform in the local work culture even I do not enjoy it as such- triggers around individuality and authenticity. In the past that sent me to a cycle of anger/ fear and shame/ and being resentful and not doing that much except complaining until resigning and moving on. Time in which the work and the particular boss took so much space in my emotions and mind, time that they did not deserve it as they were not that important or long lasting in my life. A way to deal with it/ is for me identifying that I am triggered- intense emotions, rumination- separate the trigger from my childhood strategy story- even if the boss, work structure acknowledges my concerns and emotions that would not validate the inner child/ strategies to work the situation and find the optimal solution for me in the situation- making the situation smaller by setting boundaries or leaving if that possible and the first part not that successful. Because waiting for validation, approval, safety - are demands the child had from the caregivers and not the adult from another passing adult or adults aka work structure. And they are not as important as we would think when triggered. The only one to give that love and safety is I.
And a card to remind me is important where I put my focus and energy. Is that for my highest good or just a projection of my past?